My
husband and I have been together almost seven happy years. Our first
wedding anniversary is coming on the 21st, and I thought
it would be great to write an article about lasting relationships.
Now, I know for those who have been wedded for many years, and have
known their spouses longer this might seem like a pretty miniscule
amount of time. Of course we've had arguments—big ones! We're two
sentient beings who have our own ideas about how we meander
throughout this world. We choose to do it side by side, and we're
obviously going to disagree sometimes about what path to take, but
that doesn't mean we don't love each other. Maybe this will serve as
a great reminder for those older couples about what make things
exciting, and what makes things last. Maybe this will be great for
younger couples trying to really make things work. Maybe this will
also come across as utter mushy nonsense, but that's totally okay.
That being said, here is my advice.
Love
means always remembering to
say you're sorry: All of that never saying sorry stuff is nonsense.
After an argument, you have to reconcile. You have to express
remorse, and you must mean it when you do, or there really is no
point in apologizing. Everyone says things they don't mean when they
argue. Maybe your partner
was correct, but you have to
apologize for causing
distress in your relationship and
mean it. Try to never
go to bed angry.
Always
say I love you: I don't think a day has gone past which I my husband
and I haven't said I love you. Saying
it often doesn't lessen the gravity of those words if you are
sincere. Even when my husband and I are arguing, or his habits are
irritating me, I am still saying I love you with each and every word.
That's why these scenarios happen:
“Jon,
please stop leaving chunks of food debris in the bottom of the sink.
It's disgusting.”
“I
love you too, sweetie.”
...And
then I shoot some sort of disproving but affectionate glare.
Affectionate glares happen in long term relationships. Watch a
married couple long enough—It's a thing, not an oxymoron.
Sex:
Without going into detail, I
would just like to say that you should keep having it. It alleviates
stress, it's great exercise and it releases all sorts of happy
bonding hormones like oxytocin.
Compromise:
Never compromise any of your basic principles—if you have to bend
those, maybe you need to think long and hard about your relationship.
However, know when to compromise about things that are petty in the
long run like weekend plans and time spent with the in laws.
Always
keep supporting and challenging each other. Always remain ambitious:
Whether it's going to law
school, some sort of short term health goal, or shooting for a
promotion, you need to express support for your spouse. Even if that
expression of support is unsolicited, sometimes people don't just
come out and ask for it. I know my husband doesn't, but he loves to
hear it. Everyone needs it, especially when they are making
Especially when he has that vaguely worried, furrowed brow expression
going on. Be attentive.
Keep
switching things up. Do
things that are unexpected and thoughtful:
Experiencing anything new
together creates
lasting, fond memories. Do something new! It doesn't have to be a
major adventure. My husband and I love to go biking and hiking
together. Sharing that sense of discovery and wonderment together is
fantastic. Also, surprising your spouse with something small, like
something you knew they were pining after, or even your spouse's
favorite beverage after you run into the gas station lets them know
you were thinking about them and that you listened to their needs and
wants. It doesn't have to be material, either. It makes us feel all
warm and fuzzy inside, and it doesn't go unnoticed.
Honesty:
I think this is probably the
most important thing. If you are not honest to your spouse, who are
you? You're someone else. I
believe your marriage must be built on a foundation of honesty. If
you're not honest, you're presenting your spouse with a facade. How
can you make major life decisions together without
being honest? You must bare your soul. If you can't do that, I don't
think you can be in a happy relationship.
Those
are what I believe to be the most important parts of a happy, lasting
relationship. Please feel free to share your input, and tell you how
I feel about what I've shared myself.
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